Window of Opportunity, in the Middle of Nowhere

United Airlines has announced WILMA (Window-Middle-Aisle) seat order of boarding to minimize congestion and inconvenience, while saving time.

Taking the 'WILMA' Way

United Airlines has released an internal memo that has caused the frequent fliers both pleasure and surprise. No, they haven't announced an all-you-can-eat buffet at 30,000 feet. Rather, they've introduced a boarding “order” (pun intended) so simple, you'd wonder why it wasn't the standard already. Known as "WILMA"—an acronym that stands for Window-Middle-Aisle—this method aims to save, or shall we say shave, precious minutes off boarding time and save passengers from the awkward "excuse-me-can-I-squeeze-through" calisthenics.

First-Class, but Not First to Board

Fear not, well-heeled jet-setters! Your First-Class and Business-Class status still earns you a priority boarding pass to Nirvana. You'll be in the air munching on hot towels before the rest of us even get to sniff the jet fuel. But after that, the real changes begin.

A Window into Wisdom

Once the VIPs are settled, it's time for the window seat warriors to claim their perches. This simple yet “priceless” (pun absolutely intended) move eliminates that awkward moment where middle and aisle passengers have to momentarily disembark so window passengers can squeeze through. Yes, friends, the solution was right under our noses—or should we say, "windows?"

Middle Mayhem, Managed

Next in line are the brave souls who opt for middle seats. You'd think they're the ones just looking for a deal, but not so fast! A young nephew of mine, a seasoned sky commuter between Delhi and Bengaluru, actually prefers the middle seat. When asked if it was a budget decision, he said, "No, sir! This way, I double my probability of being seated next to a lovely lady passenger." Truly, the middle path has its virtues.

Aisle Always Love You

Finally, the aisle aficionados will make their way onto the aircraft. While some may argue the aisle is the prime real estate for leg-stretchers and bathroom frequenters, let's admit it: being last does mean you get to size up the competition—or rather, companions—for your journey.

Group Glee and Gathering

If you're travelling in a group, don't worry about disparate departure timetables. United Airlines assures that you'll be assigned the same boarding group, based on the "highest applicable boarding group." So, yes, there's a method to this WILMA madness.

The Jury is Still Out

The boarding battle—whether window, middle, or aisle reigns supreme—is yet to be conclusively won. But in the meantime, WILMA provides an effective and efficient way to get everyone settled without the ruckus. So, the next time you fly United, remember: "United we sit, divided we stand (in the aisle)."

So, there you have it—a boarding scheme so elegant yet straightforward that it leaves us wondering why it took so long to arrive at this high-flying solution. Until then, happy trails and even happier landings!